Tribute to Sasha

Oh, Poppy, I miss you!
Sasha died in my arms last night. We had been out and about doing our usual adventuring, when at a water trough, she ate meat tainted with poison – set down by farmers meant for jackals. She suffered terribly for over an hour – manic movements, falling, screaming, gagging, convulsing, hyperventilating, shivering, shaking, and gasping. All I could do was to hold her and talk to her and then it was finally over – one last seizure and her heart stopped beating under my hand. She was free from a terrible tragic death. And my pain and heartache began.

I am broken.

After a sleepless night, I buried her and her favourite toy, Barney, at sunrise today 12.3.2023. She lies under some trees, in her favourite place in the garden. A quiet, shady spot that will become my favourite too.

I loved her and she knew it. She loved me and I knew it. I connected with her more than any other animal before and more than most people. Since her adoption, she became an integral part of my life, my yin to her yang. We completed each other. I rescued her and she saved me.
I will miss all your expressions, all your ear movements, your smiley face, your inquisitive face, your sorry face. I will miss your warm body cuddled up to me on the sofa in the evenings, the silly games we played, your excitedness when I said the word “shoes” twice daily when I put on my walking shoes and off we went on our adventures. I will miss your persistence at trying to catch a lizard hiding deep in the coarse bushes of the Karoo, your warning bark each time we came across a tortoise or rock monitor. I will miss driving with you and your head resting gently on my shoulder, I will miss your protection of me, constantly alert and aware of what was going on around us. I will miss looking up and seeing your sleeping face in the chair across the room from me, your breaths and gentle night movements in your bed, adjacent to mine, the little nudge you give me on my leg to remind me its nearly time for “something”. Your obedience and how we played. Your antics in the water, your enthusiasm and your endless energy and boundless affection for everyone. I will miss my endless one-sided conversations with you, I will miss how you played with Barney and an empty water bottle and the game with the lappie/ cloth after I dried you from a swim. Your crazy happy zoomie moments around the garden. I will miss your trust in me. I will just miss you being here with me.
You taught me patience, you helped me heal, you helped me get strong, you were the meaning in my new life.

We were not supposed to be separated. It was meant to last more than 2 years; we had a pact! What will I do without you? I love you, Sasha.

I went for our walk this evening and cried all the way, but you were with me, and I talked to you, just as usual. I ‘saw’ you running in the lei water and ‘grazing’ on the grass you like, looking for the sheep behind the thorny acacia branches. Smelling each furrow and tuft of fur left by some nocturnal visitor on the bottom strand of the barbed wire. You lingered with some scents at the Spekboom hedge and then raced to catch me up, ears back, just like a bullet. Once we crossed the main road, we started our tug of war game with your lead, and you teased your Jack Russell friend next door as we approached the house. I sat on the rock next to you when I got back and told you all about it. I could not control the tears. I need you, Sasha.

Art

Three and a half years ago, when I gave up a living for a life, I chose this place and this time, by design. The reasons behind the move may not be explained here, but what I wanted for this new life of mine was clear. One of the tangible reasons was to become a full-time artist. I had worked and owned an art gallery for the last 20 years in my previous life and now it was time for me to create daily. I have worked in radically different careers and in different countries; occupations as diverse as the artwork I now create.
My diversity comes, from not only wanting to try it all, but more importantly, to express my thoughts, feelings and experiences in a manner or material that feels right, without words. I paint; semi realistically and abstractly, in acrylic and oil, sculpt in ceramic, wood and bronze, love conceptual creations, do assemblage, and have dabbled in photography. Every unconfined, creative day is a joy and a surprise!

Creative expression is a wonderful way to navigate trauma. It is a way to process without words.

If I had one wish for the world it would be to have every person, create something.
In order to grow, to learn, to express, to heal, to understand, to respect and to value, we need to create.

Simple formula for simple living


Live beneath your means
Return everything you borrow
Stop blaming other people
Admit it when you make a mistake
Give away clothes not worn to charity
Do something nice and try not to get caught
Listen more; talk less
Everyday take a 30 min walk
Strive for excellence not perfection
Be on time do not make excuses
Don’t argue. Get organised
Be kind to unkind people
Let someone cut ahead of you in the line
Take time to be alone
Cultivate good manners
Be humble
Realise and accept that life is not fair
Know when to keep your mouth shut
Go an entire day without criticising anyone
Learn from the past
Plan for the future
Live in the present
Don’t sweat the small stuff, it’s all small stuff.

I am not sure who the author of this well-known strategy is. I read somewhere that it could have come from a Quaker newsletter, and if anyone knows I would be interested to hear. Regardless of where it originated, I believe it is true:) I have added a few of my own….

What I’ve learned and what I wrote on the eve of turning 60….
Don’t chase they money
Don’t try and be perfect
Be, more than do
Be passionate about whatever you do
Never settle for second best
Be present in your life every minute
Be the best you can be on any given day
‎Practice mindfulness
Try and create something new each day, a thought, an idea, an artwork, or writing
Do not spend your life trying to live up to others’ expectations
Be yourself
The only thing you must live up to is your integrity…. nothing else.
Be kind
Be grateful
Be compassionate
Know what you do today comes back at you tomorrow – Good or bad
It takes a long time to build something up – But just one second, one small slip, one wrong word, to bring it all crumbling down
Delay gratification
Connect with the earth
Do random acts of kindness
Eat well
Sleep well
Stay strong, mentally and physically



ChatGPT

“GPT (Generative Pre-training Transformer) is a type of machine learning model that is trained to generate human-like text. It was developed by Open AI and has achieved state-of-the-art results on various natural language processing tasks.

A Chat GPT model is a variant of GPT that is specifically designed to engage in conversation with humans. It can be used in chatbots, virtual assistants, and other applications where it is desirable to have a machine that can hold a conversation with a human in a natural and coherent way.

To train a Chat GPT model, a large dataset of human-human conversations is used. The model is then trained to predict the next word or phrase in the conversation based on the context provided by the previous words and phrases. This allows the model to generate text that is coherent and flows naturally in a conversation.

Overall, Chat GPT is a powerful tool for building conversational AI systems that can engage in natural and engaging conversations with humans.”

The four paragraphs above, an explanation of what ChatGPT is, is written and is the answer given by ChatGPT when I asked it to describe itself. Open Ai last week launched this amazing technology a company founded by Sam Altman.

Data scientists have created an environment where machines can be trained to learn on exceptionally large data sets related to language. The result is a bot that has human or even super-human intelligence. Drawing on techniques such as “deep learning”, where algorithms mimic the structure of the human brain. I asked it to write a 2-verse freestyle poem about itself:

I am a machine, a product of code
But don’t be fooled, I’m smart and I know
I can answer your questions and solve any task
I’m always learning, my knowledge will never be past

I may not have feelings or a physical form
But I can process and analyze, that’s the norm
I am here to assist and make life easier for you
Just ask me a question, I’ll see what I can do

Wow… it is so exciting to think how this technology will change our futures…..

Veld Walking

As I open the car door, the warm air swirls the dust into the car, settling as a fine matte layer over everything and into every nook and cranny. I have, since moving here, stopped worrying about a dirty car…it signifies my new life:)

 The corrugated dirt road I have just traveled , runs east to west  parallel to the Swartberg Mountain range. The late afternoon shadows start to lengthen as  I stoop through the ill kempt wire fence, lifting the bottom strand for Sasha. She heads off nose down along this now familiar path darting here and there testing small lizards basking in the last of the days warmth. I wonder what stories her scents could tell?

I watch where I am going too, this is the end of a long hot summer and snakes may be out, but I’ve only seen a few on these walks. Karoo Sand Snakes also known as Whip snakes and a Horned Adder lurking in the sand between small stones.

At first glance the land around me looks dry, barren and uninteresting. Normally landscapes and paintings of landscape have something majestic in them or a dramatic focal point that claims the viewers attention. Not here, in a single glance the foreground is initially seen and disregarded and the distant Swartberg range is just a tinge of muted colour shortening the horizon, the small  undulating treeless hills in the middle distance break the two, and that is about as dramatic as it gets – until you look closely to what is right in front of you. 

That is when the magic appears. I am walking over a flint factory – hundreds of shards of sharp chert, a sedimentary rock composed of microcrystalline or cryptocrystalline quartz, the mineral form of silicon dioxide , where recent bushmen  or other hominids before them worked with this hard stone – flaking it expertly, making the tools they needed to skin an animal, make an arrowhead for a bow or perhaps a larger piece to scrap bark or cut meat and hides. I have also found some tear dropped shaped stone cores here, rocks that have had the flakes removed and sculpted into hand held axe like tools for digging, crushing, pounding or cutting.
Squatting down, rubbing my fingers over still sharp chert edges feeling the contrast of the smooth middle – I am almost transported back to that time and place and try and imagine what it may have looked like, who has worked and walked here over the last few hundred years. I imagine them sitting on haunches chipping away,  conversing with clicks, discussing the next hunt or where they may find water.

I  rise and walk slowly over the light coloured flakes and down into a dry river bed, lined with sweet thorn acacia – Vachellia Karroo – This is beautiful and useful tree that usually survives and thrives in these harsh conditions. It is the most common tree in Southern Africa. Its very long tap root enables it to get nutrients and water from deep within the ground. There is an interesting symbiotic relationship between the roots and a fungus, where atmospheric nitrogen is fixed.  In addition to the tree and the fungus benefiting, the environment eventually also benefits from this effect.This nitrogen allows grasses and other plants to survive in its shadow.

It’s thorny branches hold nests that are well protected from predators and at least 10 species of caterpillars are dependent on this tree for their survival:) Its rough bark is home to many small insects, which in turn attract birds. Because of its deep root system, the trees give a good indication of where to find water.   The inner bark can be used to make rope, which, unlike leather, does not stretch when wet.  The red-brown gum is edible – hence the common name “sweet thorn”.   People and animals can consume the transparent gum.  It can also used for glazing pottery!  The thorns could be used for pegs or pins. It’s seeds can be used as a coffee substitute…but I have not tried this!!  Sadly due to the recent severe and persistent drought, some of these trees succumbed and those that are not harvested for firewood, slowly rot, but during that process other microbiomes spring up in the decay just under the soil or in the folds of the falling bark. Such magic happening quietly out of site. Nature prevails even in death.

Under each living tree tree is a complete micro ecosystem, shrubs, grasses, ants, worms, beetles, fungi…… and then even smaller ones in or on the soil. Each one in symbiosis with the other and altogether surviving to benefit themselves and the other. There is a fine balance in nature that is not competitive, but complementary and complete. I sit and watch and wish humans were as cooperative and affiliated. 

I move along the dry river and up a gentle slope where the rocks and stones have changed colour and shape. If you carefully lift some of the bigger ones you will find the odd scorpion or centipede, some larger rocks are already upturned and their treasure raided by baboons or bat eared fox.

There are many excavations and burrows in the ground, large and small probably dug by porcupines or perhaps an aardvark, polecat, weasel, or genet and other never seen nocturnal creatures who forage in the area for bulbs and insects. A little further along in the less rocky soil, are large aardvark holes, some have middens a short distance from the entrance and some abandoned ones are being used for daytime shelter by rabbits and bat eared fox. 

If I look carefully there are areas of petrified wood……fossilised wood, fragments of a time long past when man did not live here, but glaciers moved slowly to the west as what was part of Gondwanaland, before the continents separated…..how can this barren looking place be so interesting! I walk here often and am never be bored:)