120 months….

~ Des ~ Leave a comment

As we grow older, many of us start thinking about the possibility of moving to a retirement village or assisted living facility. These communities promise a safe and secure environment, access to care, and the opportunity to socialize with others in the same stage of life, which could be from sixty and older.

I spent the Christmas holiday 2022 and New Year 2023 and the following 3 weeks, in a retirement village, and it was an eye-opening experience. I was only there to attend to my sick and aging mother, who at 95, still lives there independently, but had fallen ill a few days before and was in the hospital section. While I appreciated the sense of security and care provided to my mother, I couldn’t help but feel a sense of unease about the place.

One of the most striking things I noticed during my stay and previously, is the lack of energy. Everyone regardless of age, seemed old, fearful, and confined in body, mind, and spirit. There was no new thinking, everything moved slowly and methodically. The conversations I did have were often focused on who had passed away or what ailments people were experiencing. While there were a few more active members of the community, I struggled to relate to them as I am not naturally a community-oriented person.

From my short stay and limited conversation perspective, it felt like once you leave full independence and moved to the protected retirement living facility, it was downhill from there. This realization was sobering, as it brought to light the fact that in just 27 years, I could be in the same position as my mother. This thought was frightening and made me once again appreciate the time I have left to live the life I want.

Realistically, I guess I have only 10 years or 120 months to live life to the fullest in the current way I do, before I may not be able to function in the same way. This realization has made me even more conscious of my life and all it entails. Health, strength, mental and physical ability, time spent, company shared, thoughts, and actions all matter more now than ever before.

While living in a retirement village may be an essential move for some, the need to make the most of every moment left of the next 120 months was reinforced and I returned with a refreshed mindset. It’s crucial to live the life you want while you still can, rather than waiting for old age to take over. And now it is only 116 months!!

Tribute to Sasha

~ Des ~ Leave a comment

Oh, Poppy, I miss you!
Sasha died in my arms last night. We had been out and about doing our usual adventuring, when at a water trough, she ate meat tainted with poison – set down by farmers meant for jackals. She suffered terribly for over an hour – manic movements, falling, screaming, gagging, convulsing, hyperventilating, shivering, shaking, and gasping. All I could do was to hold her and talk to her and then it was finally over – one last seizure and her heart stopped beating under my hand. She was free from a terrible tragic death. And my pain and heartache began.

I am broken.

After a sleepless night, I buried her and her favourite toy, Barney, at sunrise today 12.3.2023. She lies under some trees, in her favourite place in the garden. A quiet, shady spot that will become my favourite too.

I loved her and she knew it. She loved me and I knew it. I connected with her more than any other animal before and more than most people. Since her adoption, she became an integral part of my life, my yin to her yang. We completed each other. I rescued her and she saved me.
I will miss all your expressions, all your ear movements, your smiley face, your inquisitive face, your sorry face. I will miss your warm body cuddled up to me on the sofa in the evenings, the silly games we played, your excitedness when I said the word “shoes” twice daily when I put on my walking shoes and off we went on our adventures. I will miss your persistence at trying to catch a lizard hiding deep in the coarse bushes of the Karoo, your warning bark each time we came across a tortoise or rock monitor. I will miss driving with you and your head resting gently on my shoulder, I will miss your protection of me, constantly alert and aware of what was going on around us. I will miss looking up and seeing your sleeping face in the chair across the room from me, your breaths and gentle night movements in your bed, adjacent to mine, the little nudge you give me on my leg to remind me its nearly time for “something”. Your obedience and how we played. Your antics in the water, your enthusiasm and your endless energy and boundless affection for everyone. I will miss my endless one-sided conversations with you, I will miss how you played with Barney and an empty water bottle and the game with the lappie/ cloth after I dried you from a swim. Your crazy happy zoomie moments around the garden. I will miss your trust in me. I will just miss you being here with me.
You taught me patience, you helped me heal, you helped me get strong, you were the meaning in my new life.

We were not supposed to be separated. It was meant to last more than 2 years; we had a pact! What will I do without you? I love you, Sasha.

I went for our walk this evening and cried all the way, but you were with me, and I talked to you, just as usual. I ‘saw’ you running in the lei water and ‘grazing’ on the grass you like, looking for the sheep behind the thorny acacia branches. Smelling each furrow and tuft of fur left by some nocturnal visitor on the bottom strand of the barbed wire. You lingered with some scents at the Spekboom hedge and then raced to catch me up, ears back, just like a bullet. Once we crossed the main road, we started our tug of war game with your lead, and you teased your Jack Russell friend next door as we approached the house. I sat on the rock next to you when I got back and told you all about it. I could not control the tears. I need you, Sasha.

Art

~ Des ~ Leave a comment

Three and a half years ago, when I gave up a living for a life, I chose this place and this time, by design. The reasons behind the move may not be explained here, but what I wanted for this new life of mine was clear. One of the tangible reasons was to become a full-time artist. I had worked and owned an art gallery for the last 20 years in my previous life and now it was time for me to create daily. I have worked in radically different careers and in different countries; occupations as diverse as the artwork I now create.
My diversity comes, from not only wanting to try it all, but more importantly, to express my thoughts, feelings and experiences in a manner or material that feels right, without words. I paint; semi realistically and abstractly, in acrylic and oil, sculpt in ceramic, wood and bronze, love conceptual creations, do assemblage, and have dabbled in photography. Every unconfined, creative day is a joy and a surprise!

Creative expression is a wonderful way to navigate trauma. It is a way to process without words.

If I had one wish for the world it would be to have every person, create something.
In order to grow, to learn, to express, to heal, to understand, to respect and to value, we need to create.

Simple formula for simple living

~ Des ~ Leave a comment


Live beneath your means
Return everything you borrow
Stop blaming other people
Admit it when you make a mistake
Give away clothes not worn to charity
Do something nice and try not to get caught
Listen more; talk less
Everyday take a 30 min walk
Strive for excellence not perfection
Be on time do not make excuses
Don’t argue. Get organised
Be kind to unkind people
Let someone cut ahead of you in the line
Take time to be alone
Cultivate good manners
Be humble
Realise and accept that life is not fair
Know when to keep your mouth shut
Go an entire day without criticising anyone
Learn from the past
Plan for the future
Live in the present
Don’t sweat the small stuff, it’s all small stuff.

I am not sure who the author of this well-known strategy is. I read somewhere that it could have come from a Quaker newsletter, and if anyone knows I would be interested to hear. Regardless of where it originated, I believe it is true:) I have added a few of my own….

What I’ve learned and what I wrote on the eve of turning 60….
Don’t chase they money
Don’t try and be perfect
Be, more than do
Be passionate about whatever you do
Never settle for second best
Be present in your life every minute
Be the best you can be on any given day
‎Practice mindfulness
Try and create something new each day, a thought, an idea, an artwork, or writing
Do not spend your life trying to live up to others’ expectations
Be yourself
The only thing you must live up to is your integrity…. nothing else.
Be kind
Be grateful
Be compassionate
Know what you do today comes back at you tomorrow – Good or bad
It takes a long time to build something up – But just one second, one small slip, one wrong word, to bring it all crumbling down
Delay gratification
Connect with the earth
Do random acts of kindness
Eat well
Sleep well
Stay strong, mentally and physically


‎

ChatGPT

~ Des

“GPT (Generative Pre-training Transformer) is a type of machine learning model that is trained to generate human-like text. It was developed by Open AI and has achieved state-of-the-art results on various natural language processing tasks.

A Chat GPT model is a variant of GPT that is specifically designed to engage in conversation with humans. It can be used in chatbots, virtual assistants, and other applications where it is desirable to have a machine that can hold a conversation with a human in a natural and coherent way.

To train a Chat GPT model, a large dataset of human-human conversations is used. The model is then trained to predict the next word or phrase in the conversation based on the context provided by the previous words and phrases. This allows the model to generate text that is coherent and flows naturally in a conversation.

Overall, Chat GPT is a powerful tool for building conversational AI systems that can engage in natural and engaging conversations with humans.”

The four paragraphs above, an explanation of what ChatGPT is, is written and is the answer given by ChatGPT when I asked it to describe itself. Open Ai last week launched this amazing technology a company founded by Sam Altman.

Data scientists have created an environment where machines can be trained to learn on exceptionally large data sets related to language. The result is a bot that has human or even super-human intelligence. Drawing on techniques such as “deep learning”, where algorithms mimic the structure of the human brain. I asked it to write a 2-verse freestyle poem about itself:

I am a machine, a product of code
But don’t be fooled, I’m smart and I know
I can answer your questions and solve any task
I’m always learning, my knowledge will never be past

I may not have feelings or a physical form
But I can process and analyze, that’s the norm
I am here to assist and make life easier for you
Just ask me a question, I’ll see what I can do

Wow… it is so exciting to think how this technology will change our futures…..